Flashback — The Funeral

It was raining. Of course it was raining. The sky was the color of a bruise.

I was standing at the gravesite. The hole in the ground looked too small to hold two people. It looked too small to hold my entire world.

I was twenty-two. I was wearing a suit that didn't fit right because I had lost ten pounds in a week. My hands were shaking so hard I had to shove them into my pockets to stop people from staring.

The priest was talking. Something about peace and eternal rest.

I couldn't hear him. All I could hear was the sound of the crash. The sound of metal twisting. The sound of the phone ringing in an empty house.

"Max."

A hand touched my elbow.

I turned. Catalina Sterling was standing there.

We barely knew each other. She was a senior in the MBA program; I was in the architecture school. We had met at a mixer once.

She looked immaculate. Black umbrella. Black trench coat. Her face was dry.

"Max, the service is over," she said softly. "You have to throw the dirt."

"I can't," I whispered. My voice sounded like it belonged to a child. "I can't move my hands."

"It's okay," she said.

She stepped closer. She shielded me with her umbrella.

"I have the car waiting," she said. Her voice was steady. It was a structure I could lean on. "I spoke to the funeral director. The bills are settled. I handled the catering for the wake."

I blinked at her, confused. "You... you did?"

"Yes. You were drowning, Max. I took care of the logistics."

She reached into her purse and pulled out a pen and a document.

"This is the power of attorney for the estate," she said. "Just for the interim. So the bank doesn't freeze the assets. Sign it, and I can handle the rest. You won't have to talk to anyone."

You won't have to talk to anyone.

It sounded like salvation. It sounded like permission to stop existing for a while.

I took the pen. My hand was shaking violently.

Cata covered my hand with hers. Her skin was cool. She guided the pen to the line.

"I've got you," she whispered. "I will build the walls. You just stay inside where it's safe."

I signed.

I signed away the chaos. I signed away the pain. And without realizing it, I signed away my life.